Sweet lil' hands...11 weeks old!

Emily has John's hands exactly! They are skinny at the top and get  fatter towards the bottom with his long thumb. She has a sunny disposition and really is "talking" quite a bit through her cooing. She loves the swing and will sleep and play in the swing for hours. She smiles and is able to turn her head and lift her head very successfully. She loves to feed and her favorite time to be up in the middle of the night is around 3 a.m. Which explains why I am writing at this time.

I know she will pick her favorite color but for now I have picked out this sweet lavender which is also the color of her room, her minky blanket and some little outfits. I love this shade of lavender. The paint color I chose for her room is a Benjamin Moore french lavender.

It's the new year and I am trying to figure out a steady schedule for all of us. Right now it's:


Monday:
9-12 Yenna at school
-Run errands-dry cleaning, Grand Mart
-Lunch out at Wegmans, home or Chic-filet

Tuesday
-Stay at home day
-laundry, organize
-do a craft project
-playdate at home

Wednesday
Yenna at school from 9-1 p.m.
-go run errands in Tysons
-Wegmans, Trader Joes
-make dinner
-Bible study at church 7 p.m.

Thursday
-playdate outside the house
-organize for weekend

Friday
-Yenna school 9-12
-MOPS every other Friday 9-11:30 a.m.

My goals for this year is to be able to stick to a budget, to be able to save, get into a schedule and workout twice a week.

Crazy not normal days...Kitchen remodel...

Emily at 9 weeks 4 days

So we decided on a whim to remodel our kitchen. We have HATED the two step counter top so we decided to cut it down, make a giant island with an under mounted sink. It's almost done...I will post pictures. In the meantime, I have been running around with poor lil' Emme to Home Depot, the Tileshop,    the faucet shop like a madwoman trying to pick everything out that I think that I like but I am not completely sure...It's really nice to have so many choices but really does there really need to be THOUSANDS of choices? It's completely overwhelming to decide.

I bought a ton of glass tile from the TILESHOP and it turned out to be too red to match with the beige/ivory granite we got called IVORY BROWN. So, I have to return the tile and then pick something else either from the TILESHOP or from Homedepot or somewhere else...by tomorrow. YIKES!

Hopefully, my decisions were the right ones!

My birth story

giving birth! This timeline is a little bit off but here's the story from my perspective:

The new family of 4

minutes after birth

I gave birth. At 8:09 a.m. Emily Hana Kim Yesawich arrived in this world at Virginia Hospital Center(VHC). I do want to say that VHC is one of the local hospitals that permit trying for a VBAC. Many hospitals do not. Through a lot of prayer and armed with information I was able to have a successful vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). All of the possible things that could get in my way of having a VBAC happened to me. Here's my story.

My water broke on Sunday, November 6th right after the Redskins lost (again!) while I was sitting on the couch. I felt a little gush of something and then a river flowing out of me. I ran quickly to the hardwood floor and a pool of water formed below me. Fortunately, my sister Jenn was over and we made a quick plan. I packed my bag, took a hot shower and then called my doctor. They said because of the chance of uterine rupture it was best to go to the hospital even though I was not in full labor. I was having contractions but they were few and far apart. I also called my doula also named Jenn and told her my decision not to labor at home. I was feeling scared and remembered the story that my doctor had told me about uterine rupture and the women who lost her baby and had a complete hysterectomy. Wow. I was scared.

We arrived at the hospital around 6 p.m. and that's when all the "fun" began. After we completed some paperwork, a very nice nurse printed out our birth plan and my doctor, H went over it with me. She said that I would have to be connected to the fetal heart monitor at all times (2 foot tether), contraction monitor, finger pulse, blood pressure cuff and a continuous drip IV. I had the ability to get of bed and move two feet from the bed at best. I was crushed. H said all of these monitors would help her keep me safe and the baby safe. How was I supposed to labor? I had thoughts of hot showers and massages and walking the halls...Obviously this was not meant to be. H also said that I needed to have the continuous saline drip in order to get two full bags in me before surgery. WHAT? I wasn't having surgery but to H, I was getting ready for it.

7 p.m.
Enter nurse "Hatchet." I was already very upset to find out that I could not have a saline lock (this is where you have a place for an IV to go in but it's not connected to anything). I was considering just going home to labor at home when the nurse came in. She introduced herself and then laid out a myriad of syringes and vials in front of me and then abruptly took my right arm. What are you doing? I asked her? She said in a clipped tone that she was going to take some blood and put in the IV. I said I need a minute. She said she needed to do it now because the doctor had ordered an immediate blood test. I said I need a minute. She left the room and returned with the doctor. The doctor asked why I wasn't getting the IV right away as well as the blood draw. I said that I needed a minute and that I would call the nurse back in when I was ready. The doctor said that she needed the blood right away because the lab takes at least two hours and then she and the nurse left. One tear left my eye. I was so euphoric because my water had naturally broken and I thought I was on the course to a VBAC but I really already felt defeated.

7:15 p.m. the bloodwork and the IV are finished and I am laying in bed. I am having some contractions which I am breathing through with my doula. Each time I have to go to the bathroom, I am unhooked from all the monitors except for the IV and then rehooked up. It is so annoying!!! The last straw (of this portion of the night) comes when the nurse sees that I am wearing my own underwear (with a pad to soak up my water break) says to me that it is hospital policy to wear the hospital underwear and that I had to put it on right away.

10 p.m. Pantygate
witnesses: husband, doula, and sister
The nurse proceeds to try to yank off my underwear by brute force without saying anything to me. I said to her in a controlled voice, "Don't touch me, get your hands off me, please leave the room." All of us in the room were in shock. Did that just really happen? I am really shaken. I have already been stripped of any feeling of control and this crazy #$%*&$# nurse just assaulted me. I know it may not seem like much but it was really traumatizing as a patient to be treated as an inanimate object as if I was not even there.

11 p.m. New Nurse!
Enter Lauren. A cute, young no-nonsense nurse with a clear sense of what is right and wrong and not afraid to say anything about it. Lauren is a key piece to my successful VBAC. More about her later.

12 a.m I was beginning to feel more pressure and was moving around the best I could with the short leash I had due to being connected to the monitors which gave me about a 2-foot tether for "walking" around. The doctor came in and told me that I should get an epidural. I kept asking why? She said that if I didn't get an epidural put in then the chances that I would have to be put completely under were pretty good. I would get knocked out essentially and then John would also not be able to be in the delivery room. Doc H scared me enough to get the epidural. I really felt completely defeated.

1-3 a.m. After the epidural, I was able to relax quite a bit and did take a light nap from about 11 p.m. to 3 a.m. The doctor said that due to the size of my baby it was quite likely that I would have to have another c-section.

3 a.m. I woke up from feeling pressure but not enough to want to push. I chatted with my doula and we talked about what had happened until that point. The doctor came in again and said that I was fully dilated and said that I should start pushing. I didn't feel like pushing but urged by her I did start to futilely push. I could really feel mostly everything because I did not press the button for more medicine from the epidural so I had pretty much full feeling in my legs.

6 a.m. The doctor came into the room in her scrubs and told me that it was essential that I have a c-section. I asked calmly why? She said that the monitor was "tacky" and she didn't like the blood pressure for the baby. I am sure it was going up due to the fact that I was getting angry and pissed off at the doctor. My blood pressure was rising and so was the baby's. I knew though that this was not truly an "emergency" because if it were, I would be wheeled into the OR and not talked to about it. I kept stalling by asking her why and she said that if we did not operate right away my baby could be born with cerebral palsy, massive brain damage, permanent damage to her arm and neck due to the severity of birth. I said that I wanted a second opinion and she said, "Ask your husband!" Poor John had his head in his hands and was melting in the corner. I asked him what I should do and he said that it's your decision but I want to trust the medical professional. I reached within myself and believed that I could do it.

6:30 am. I said I wanted a minute and the doctor said that I could have a minute but soon I would have to go into the OR. While all of this is going on I am in full-blown labor so I am pushing and breathing and feeling like shit. Once the doctor left the room, nurse Lauren said that she didn't know what my doctor's problem was but she didn't think that anything was wrong or dangerous with my labor. She said that another woman was laboring next door and her baby's monitor was all over the place and that doctor was not talking about a c-section. I was given some oxygen and rested for a few minutes. Nurse Lauren checked me and also told me that I was not fully effaced so there was no way that I was in full-blown labor.

6:45 a.m. The doctor came in again and said that I could labor for a little while because both our heart rates had slowed down and she was comfortable with me trying to have a vaginal birth. I was able to relax again. Then we got a piece of real truth. Nurse Lauren spoke with the doctor outside the room and found out that the doctor was nervous about delivering a 'big' baby so she was hoping to just do a c-section. The doctor lied to us! I couldn't believe it.

7 a.m. I am in full-blown labor and pushing using the birthing bar and doing squats and pushing. Then I laid on my side and pushed. I did this back and forth holding John's hand for the actual pushing. I couldn't believe the pain. It really does feel like a major poop that is stuck. Kind of like a giant boulder that needs to pass.

7 a.m. enter Nurse Helen. She was a bubble of optimism and we really needed it at that point. Nurse Lauren shift ended and she said she would be back to see the baby. Nurse Helen said to us, "Let's have this baby!" At this point I am totallly focused and the task at hand so I am pushing and grunting and yelling at my husband. Helen says that she feels the head and that it's almost out so I am pushing and grunting and also telling her not to call the doctor until the very last minute because I do not want the doctor to interfere.

7:30 a.m. Helen calls the doctor but there is no response. I am pushing and Emily's head pops out. Helen calls the doctor again and she runs in the room while I am yelling, "Somebody help me please! Please someone help me!"

8:09 a.m. The doctor runs into the room and the nurse puts on her gown and gloves. She barely catches the baby and all she has to say to me is that I proved her wrong. No f*(*&ing duh!) The baby is put on my belly and I am so incredibly happy and euphoric. It is amazing. She is perfect. She goes right on the breast and is suckling immediately. I cannot believe it. It is truly amazing. Wow. This is what it's like to give birth. I feel amazing! I am so happy.

They take the baby to measure her and weigh her. She is perfect! 21' long and 8 lbs and 5 oz. She is alert, pink and ready for the world.

This is what I have to say: F*** c-sections, F*** doctors that tell you that your body cannot do it. Educate yourself on what your body can do. Getting c-sections is not necessarily the way to go all the times.

Sandra Kim’s Birth Timeline

This is the accurate account of my birth story told from the vantage point of my doula. It's a sad story in this country that many doctors do not see it fit for women to have their babies vaginally. I had to fight to have my daughter the way I wanted to have her. Here's the story:

11.06.2011

4:02pm – Sandra’s water breaks at 4:00 and she calls me to let me know.

6:38pm – I arrive at VA Hospital Center

6:44pm – First cervical check: 2cm, 40%, -3 station; discussion from hospital staff about “big baby”

7:15pm – Dr. H arrives. Uses the phrase, “…and everything like that,” when talking to Sandra. Does not give actual, evidence-based information. Goes over birth plan. Some memorable quotes:

            “Once you have two sections, you’re always having sections.”

“If you try to push this baby out on your hands and knees you are guaranteed a 4^th degree tear. On your back is easier for me.”

“When you get that nice epidural, you can push nicely and not tear…”

“If baby’s head is too big…”

Sandra asks the question: If I have another section, will you double suture?

Answer: We’ll see, but it won’t matter at that point because once you have two sections, it’s nothing but sections from here on out.

“I know you’re laboring, but in my head I’m treating you like a surgical patient.”

“I’m getting you ready for a C-section.”

Sandra was put on “contact isolation” due to previous MRSA infection and no proof in records of clean bill of health. Given a nasal swab culture, which wouldn’t be available until Tuesday. CI was confusing as they didn’t require John or I to put on gowns and masks (not that we would have) and the personnel that came in and out didn’t always put gowns on (I don’t recall a single mask being worn).

An IV was placed (time not noted) but was contested, as Sandra wanted more time to relax and was being pressured for blood work and fluids. Continuous EFM was required and baby’s HR looked great entire time.

7:47pm, 8:35pm, 9:20pm – Sandra peed

10:35pm – Pantygate: After a very uncomfortable situation in which the nurse, Charlie, (a woman nurse) attempted to forcibly remove Sandra’s underwear during a contraction (after Sandra had stated she would wear her own and consented to it being cut off in the event of an emergency), Sandra requested Dr. H come into the room, where she clearly stated she would no longer allow the nurse into her room and requested a new one. The charge nurse was brought in to inquire about the situation, and informed Sandra that a patient advocate would be in later to take a statement.

11:00pm – Sandra receives a new nurse, Lauren!

11:05pm – Cervical check: 3cm, 70%, - 3 station. I assure Sandra that despite the small amount of dilation, the effacement is a good sign and progress is still happening. Dr. H mentions “dip things” that baby’s HR isn’t doing during contractions and begins threatening a general Cesarean.

11:15pm – Sandra peed

11:37pm – Sandra agreed to an epidural after several threats from Dr. H of a general Cesarean. It was a tense moment and it was obvious she was agreeing at that moment to get Dr. H to stop harassing her.

11:55pm – Epidural placed

11.07.2011

1-3am – Sandra was able to get some sleep.

4:47am – Cervical check: 10cm, 100%, was told at +3 station. I asked for clarification, as +3 is considered crowning, but was told I was incorrect and +4 was crowning.

5:30am – Sandra begins pushing, but is not feeling much of anything and is having trouble making progress with her pushes.

5:50am – An internal monitor is placed after a short discussion with Dr. H. She was not happy that the EFM could not keep constant track of baby’s HR. Sandra asked for a moment to discuss the option, but was told no and the IFM was screwed into baby’s head. This is actually against the law, as it is not informed consent, and Sandra did not verbally agree to the internal monitor before it was placed.

6:14am – Sandra’s nurse informs her that she would not have had Sandra start pushing when she did because she didn’t think it was time yet to push and that baby was not at +3 station, as indicated by Dr. H. She confirmed my knowledge of +3 station being crowning. She did not tell us baby’s exact station at that point (she was using her fingers to help Sandra feel where to push), but my guess was it was more along the lines of +1 or even 0 station.

6:15am – Oxygen started for Sandra.

6:30am (time is approximate) – “The Fight” Dr. H entered the room and said it was time for a C-section. Sandra refused. Dr. H started snapping her fingers and telling her the baby would die or have Cerebral Palsy and Sandra needed a C-section immediately. Sandra refused again, stating, “If this were really an emergency we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’m asking you for more time.” During the conversation, Sandra is pushing with all her might during contractions. John is becoming audibly upset (I can hear him gasping and groaning behind me) during the conversation.

Dr. H keeps telling Sandra she needs a Cesarean and Sandra continues to refuse and ask for more time. She also questions Dr. H on having her push sooner than she should have. Sandra eventually tells Dr. H she would like to speak with another doctor; that she would like a second opinion. Dr. H says, “Okay fine,” looks at John and says, “John, what do you think?” She then looks back at Sandra and says in a sharp tone, “There’s your second opinion.” John was obviously very scared and upset and advised Sandra to listen to Dr. H and have the repeat Cesarean.

Sandra calmly looked at John and said, “John, I know you’re worried, but I know nothing is wrong. If there was an actual emergency, we wouldn’t be having this conversation and I’d already be in surgery.” Sandra then told Dr. H that she had just been wanting to section her from the moment she got there, to which Dr. H said, “That’s not true.” (Please see notes from 7:15pm) Sandra finally convinced Dr. H to leave the room for a few minutes. She asked what I thought and I told her I did not have any experience with a high fetal HR* and only minor decels (the reasoning Dr. H was giving), but that my gut was telling me the same thing hers was telling her: that baby was fine.

Just then, the nurse Lauren walked in and said, “You don’t need a section. I just told Dr. H your baby looks better than the other one I have laboring in the next room and she’s not a VBAC. Dr. H is out there talking about shoulder dystocia, not the baby’s heart rate.” Sandra discussed hiring a new doctor at that point and the nurse gave some information on how that might play out.

A few minutes later, with Sandra more relaxed and in another position, the baby’s HR went down into the 160’s and was having normal decels during contractions. Dr. H came in with a much calmer demeanor and said baby looked better and she would allow Sandra to labor and push some more, but that she was “watching her like a hawk.” She then left the room.

7:00am – Shift change and we lost Lauren, but got Helen, who was also wonderful! Pushing really started to progress at that point and Sandra was feeling more confident in her pushing and reassured of her progress that Helen and I could see. Sandra asked nurse Helen to not call Dr. H in too soon for delivery. When it was finally time for Helen to call, she made the first call: “Tell Dr. H I need her in here for a delivery and she can walk.” No one came, so Helen called again a few minutes later: “Tell Dr. H I need her in here for a delivery and tell her not to walk!” Again, no one came. Finally, Helen made a third call: “Tell anyone available I need them in here NOW for a delivery!” Sandra delivered the baby’s head. She began yelling, “Help me! Help me! Help me!” Dr. H came running in, saying, “What’s wrong?!!?” She was all the way in the room before she saw baby’s head and quickly turned around to put on gloves and catch.

8:09am – Baby Emily is born! Sandra and John are overjoyed; I am immensely relieved and proud of Sandra; Helen is a wonderful cheerleader; and Dr H is shocked. Cord clamping is delayed for a couple minutes and John is able to cut the cord.

8:23am – Placenta is delivered intact; no problems or extra bleeding. Pitocin is given anyway as a precaution.

Sandra sustained a 3^rd degree tear (please see Dr. H comments from 7:15am) and while Dr. H was doing repair work, she commented, “You proved me wrong,” and, “We should have a poster of you in our office: Successful VBAC!”

Emily Yesawich

8lbs 5oz

21” long

Apgar Scores: 8/9

* I have since asked a midwife about this type of scenario where the fetal HR is higher than normal and was told simply it just means the baby had a “higher baseline.” This makes sense, given the amount of stress Sandra was put under during the entire process.

To contact Jenn who is an AMAZING doula please go to her website: http://jenndoula.com 

8 weeks and change...

Baby Emily 6 weeks 4 days old

This picture was taken December 23rd so that makes Emme about 6 weeks and 4 days old. I bought this Janie and Jack dress for her to wear for Christmas but as you can see, she is TOO big for it!!! We call her the snorkerler. She likes to snorkle quite a bit.

I have quite a bit of milk production so it has been an interesting time of figuring out when to pump, if I should pump and how not to overfeed Em. I think we've figured it out, we give her one boob then a lot of burping time, then a little bit more, then the pacifier. This keeps her from spitting up all or a lot of her meal. She has done that a few times where I have had to change her and me completely because we are both soaked!

Husby and I have already been out on a few dates---first to dinner where I was still quite hormonal and then to the movies to see the latest Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. It was pretty good. The Tom Cruise run must be patented! He is really a great actor. Crazy as all get but a great actor. I think Robin Thicke's wife Paula Patton is gorgeous. I didn't realize that she was in Precious. How did I totally miss that?

I digress...It's odd but I am beginning to enjoy spending time at home. It's strange because having worked outside of the home for so many years it's weird just being at home the majority of the time.

I do have a few new year's resolutions:

1.) Stop wasting! food, time, and stuff.
2.) Get organized: organize, label and donate
3.) No more shopping unless it's totally necessary
4.) Get in the gym at least 3 times a week
5.) Don't yell at my 3 year old!
6.) Less TV watching
7.) More time reading

Other than #5 I think I have the same resolutions from year to year. Oh well, I guess I can keep trying.